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I am so heartbroken right now.

I got involved with a 'friend' and their drama in an effort to help. Now I stand as an iconoclast because I looked out for said 'friend.' My name has been tarnished by this person and my advice was totally refuted.

All the work I put in to being a friend. All the guard that stands around the endless funeral of my heart. I still can't protect myself. Those closest to me still wound me and I cannot protect myself from that.

I feel stupid and used. That feeling is making me sick. I can't even sleep for the feeling that I allowed someone to hurt me. I'm not really safe after all.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
princessqtpi
Aug. 15th, 2002 02:12 pm (UTC)
heh
I felt really bad...

Until now. I would have liked to talk to you about this except now I am not so sure. My issues had very little to do with you. I did not blame you for anything.

I didn't blast you to anyone. Everything and anything I said had truth or rlelvance to the subject and you KNOW what I am talking about.

I resepct you and that hasn't changed. I have trouble trusting you. I have private reasons for that. You can angry and hurt and whatever but I refuse to feel guilty about my personal feelings. But I want you to know I am very sorry about the whole thing I never meant for you to be involved. I am sorry for eveyrthing that I had controll over...
lolasenvy
Aug. 15th, 2002 08:50 pm (UTC)
Re: heh
I know your 'private reasons' for not trusting me. It's bullshit. Whatever the reason you have for not trusting me, I have more than redeemed myself for the single infraction I am guilty of. All the times I have uplifted you, long thought I have spent on you in hope that you're ok. If you have an issue of trust with me, than you should come to me so that we could it out.

I never said anything to Ryno about you in a negative light. I was one of the people who told him you were worth the struggle. Thanks for making me feel stupid about that one.

Likewise with Luke Carter. I didn't mean to do any harm to you, but I was Luke friend too. If you expect me to tell you when I guy does you wrong, then don't be surprised when I'm the same friend to Luke or anyone else.

The issue of suicide is ludicrous. You know what I'm talking about. If you don't want news to spread, then don't print the fucking fliers.

If you don't like me, want me around, or need my advice that's just peachy. But just tell me. Don't pull some dusty skeletons from the back of a closet or embellish some dead story to justify those feelings to everyone else on the planet. Just tell me that you don’t like me and never have. I’ll survive like I always do.
princessqtpi
Aug. 15th, 2002 09:31 pm (UTC)
Re: heh
Ok..:::Aimee holds up white flag:::

I am sorry. My view of the past may be distoted but whatever. it isn't worth losing you. I never said I didn't want to be friends anymore. I never questioned our friendship, I questioned your sources. If you want to stop talking or being friends thats up to you, that decision will not be mine. I hope my apology is enought right now, I am sorry. But I do not want this to continue..if you have anything else you would like to discuss with me I am open for it. I am just trying to save what I obviously messed up.
lolasenvy
Aug. 16th, 2002 09:40 am (UTC)
Re: heh
I don't want to lose your friendship. I just want to put the past behind me and focus on the present and future. Life is going to pull us in different directions all too soon anyway. Let us carpe diem together while we still can. I really want to remain friends because I care about you and I always have.

And for God's sake, let's go out and do something mindless before we realize how needlessly serious we have become.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )