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What scares you?

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( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
jesus_h_biscuit
Jun. 24th, 2008 02:14 am (UTC)
I am scared of deranged fangirls. There, I said it, and I feel better having gotten that off my chest.

Seriously though, heights. Me + heights = not so much.
apophantic
Jun. 24th, 2008 02:33 am (UTC)
That's a really interesting question, and one I've thought about a lot in recent times. I'm not scared of what most people think is frightening--I, too, walk around at 4am in "sketchy" neighborhoods of NYC. I travel alone to countries where I don't speak the language. Yes, I'm cautious and aware of my surroundings. But let's be frank, I went to Palestine and the West Bank without any self-protection dressed like an Orthodox Jew--not one of my most intelligent moments. The thing is, I do these things fully aware of the risks I'm taking, fully aware of the "danger"--but I'm usually not afraid.

I'm scared of deeper things; ideas scare me. I'm not sure why, but I'm not afraid of death. Don't get me wrong, I don't WANT to die, but I'm not afraid of it, either. It's something that's going to happen, so avoiding risks seems silly to me--why try to prevent something I have no control over? Also, if I'm going to avoid certain behavior because of the risk, I should avoid ALL risky behavior--then, why even leave the house?! It's too much, too overwhelming to be afraid.

I'm afraid of being stupid. I'm afraid that I'm not as smart as everyone things I am--that I'm not as smart as my IQ says I am. I'm afraid that my whole life will be constituted by people talking about my "potential"--like an unopened gift--and that I'll never actually take advantage of it, or open that gift. I'm afraid I'll be ineffectual, that I won't make a difference in the world. I'm afraid that my life won't matter, that with one mistake, one failed attempt at meaning, my life will be reduced to a nihilistic waste.

So really, I think I'm afraid of meaninglessness. I'm afraid that I'm living in the "aesthetic" realm, never reaching existential authenticity. I'm afraid that I've spent my life deceiving myself, and that I will continue to do so until I die. I'm afraid of being Camus's "Stranger."



I think too much.
moonlightgdess
Jun. 24th, 2008 04:41 am (UTC)
The ocean. I find it so fascinating, but I would never, ever want to be out in the middle of it on any kind of vessel, period. Whales scare me too, but I love studying them.

Dying alone kinda scares me.
apophantic
Jun. 24th, 2008 05:39 am (UTC)
DUDE, the ocean scares the hell out of me too--it's the thing about the universe of which we know the least and that is, at the same time, closest to us. And dude, GIANT FUCKING SQUID. That is all. LOL!
neon_calypso
Jun. 27th, 2008 10:00 pm (UTC)
feeer
When I think of fear I think about what the greats in history have said like "There's nothing to fear but what this country can do for you." ..or something like that.
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you stupid republican bitch
lolasenvy
Currently dashing the hopes of my parents.

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