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I will not waste chalk
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not burp in class
I will not instigate revolution
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I did not see Elvis
I will not call my teacher ``Hot Cakes''
Garlic gum is not funny
They are laughing at me, not with me
I will not yell ``Fire'' in a crowded classroom
I will not encourage others to fly
Tar is not a plaything
I will not Xerox my butt
I will not trade pants with others
I am not a 32 year old woman
I will not do that thing with my tongue
I will not drive the principal's car
I will pledge allegiance to Bart
I will not sell school property
I will not cut corners.
" " " " "
" " " " "
I will not get very far with this attitude
I will not make flatulent noises in class
I will not belch the national anthem
I will not sell land in Florida
I will not grease the monkey bars
I will not do anything bad ever again
I will not hide behind the fifth amendment
I will not sleep through my education
I am not a dentist
Spitwads are not free speech
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
I will not squeak chalk.
(Accompanied by appropriate squealing noises.)
I will finish what I sta
.
.
.
Underwear should be worn on the inside
The Christmas pageant does not stink
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not carve gods
I will not spank others
I will not aim for the head
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
I will not conduct my own fire drills
Funny noises are not funny
I will not snap bras
I will not fake seizures
This punishment is not boring and pointless
My name is not ``Dr. Death''
I will not defame New Orleans
I will not prescribe medication
I will not bury the new kid
I will not teach others to fly
I will not bring sheep to class
A burp is not an answer
Teacher is not a leper
Coffee is not for kids
I will not eat things for money
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call
The principal's toupee is not a frisbee
Goldfish don't bounce
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
No one is interested in my underpants
I will not sell miracle cures
I will return the seeing-eye dog
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
I will never win an Emmy
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
All work and no play makes Bart a
dull boy. All work and no play makes
Bart a dull boy. All work and no play
makes Bart a dull boy. All work and no
play makes Bart a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Bart
a dull boy. All work and
no play makes Bart
a dull
boy.

All work and no play makes
Bart a dull boy. All

I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
I am not delightfully saucy
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
The pledge of allegiance does not end with hail Satan
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
(5th anniversary)
There are plenty of businesses like show business
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
Beans are neither fruit nor musical
I will not use abbrev.
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
I will not send lard through the mail
I will not dissect things unless instructed
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
I will not hang donuts on my person
I will remember to take my medication
I will not strut around like I own the place
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
I do not have power of attorney over first graders
Nerve gas is not a toy
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
The first amendment does not cover burping
This is not a clue...or is it?
(Who shot Mr. Burns?)
I will not complain about the solution when I hear it.
(Who shot Mr. Burns? Part two)
"Bewitched" does not promote satanism
No one wants to hear from my armpits.
I am not a lean mean spitting machine
The boys room is not a water park
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
I will only do this once a year
(The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular)
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist.
I am not certified to remove asbestos
I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
I am not my long-lost twin
The truth is not out there
I am not licensed to do anything
I will not hide the teacher's prozac
A fire drill does not demand a fire
I NO LONGER WANT MY MTV
EVERYONE IS TIRED OF THAT RICHARD GERE STORY
I DID NOT INVENT IRISH DANCING
I WILL NOT TEASE FATTY
THE WAS NO ROMAN GOD NAMED "FARTACUS"
RUDOLPH'S RED NOSE IS NOT ALCOHOL-RELATED
SHOOTING PAINTBALLS IS NOT AN ART FORM
PAIN IS NOT THE CLEANSER
I WAS NOT TOLD TO DO THIS
MY BUTT DOES NOT DESERVE A WEB SITE
I WILL NOT DEMAND WHAT I'M WORTH
I AM NOT THE NEW DALAI LAMA
I WAS NOT THE INSPIRATION FOR "KRAMER"
I WILL NOT FILE FRIVOLOUS LAWSUITS
BUTT.COM IS NOT MY E-MAIL ADDRESS
NO ONE CARES WHAT MY DEFINITION OF "IS" IS
I WILL NOT SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM
I AM NOT A LICENSED HAIRSTYLIST
"THE PRESIDENT DID IT" IS NOT AN EXCUSE
MY MOTHER IS NOT DATING JERRY SEINFELD
SHERRI DOES NOT "GOT BACK"
I WILL NOT DO THE DIRTY BIRD
HILLBILLIES ARE PEOPLE TOO
GRAMMAR IS NOT A TIME OF WASTE
IT DOES NOT SUCK TO BE YOU
I CANNOT ABSOLVE SINS
A TRAINED APE COULD NOT TEACH GYM
LOOSE TEETH DON'T NEED MY HELP
I HAVE NEITHER BEEN THERE NOR DONE THAT
NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR FROM MY ARMPITS
I'M SO VERY TIRED
FRIDAYS ARE NOT "PANTS OPTIONAL"
PORK IS NOT A VERB
I AM NOT THE LAST DON
I DID NOT WIN THE NOBEL FART PRIZE
I WON'T NOT USE NO DOUBLE NEGATIVES
I CAN'T SEE DEAD PEOPLE
I WILL NOT SELL MY KIDNEY ON eBay
I WILL NOT CREATE ART FROM DUNG
I WILL STOP PHONING IT IN
CLASS CLOWN IS NOT A PAID POSITION
SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS ARE NOT SCABS
MY SUSPENSION WAS NOT "MUTUAL"
A BELCH IS NOT AN ORAL REPORT
DODGEBALL STOPS AT THE GYM DOOR
I "NON-FLAMMABLE" IS NOT A CHALLENGE
I WAS NOT TOUCHED "THERE" BY AN ANGEL
I AM NOT HERE ON A FARTBALL SCHOLARSHIP
I WILL NOT DANCE ON ANYONE'S GRAVE
I CANNOT HIRE A SUBSTITUTE STUDENT
I WILL NOT OBEY THE VOICES IN MY HEAD
I WILL NOT PLANT SUBLIMIN_AL_ MESSA_GORE_S
I WILL NOT SUPRISE THE INCONTINENT
I AM NOT THE ACTING PRESIDENT
I WAS NOT THE SIXTH BEATLE
I WILL ONLY PROVIDE A URINE SAMPLE WHEN ASKED
THE NURSE IS NOT DEALING
SCIENCE CLASS SHOULD NOT END IN TRAGEDY
NETWORK TV IS NOT DEAD

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
tiredofdreaming
Nov. 11th, 2002 08:39 pm (UTC)
Not only did I read the whole thing - I read the whole thing OUT LOUD. Now that takes dedication to your journal, does it not? ;)
chola23712
Nov. 12th, 2002 10:55 am (UTC)
or just too much time on your hands
(Deleted comment)
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )