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Here's to making it count

Well, what a week it's been

I decided to have a procedure done for my skin. If it works, then I will be able to venture in the sun and even (gasp) get a tan, take tub baths, go swimming, and lots of other things I haven't been able to do in years. However, it may not work, and it entails getting a needle rammed into my spine every three months for a cocktail. It hurts like Hell. I've decided I'm tired of this disease, and I'm willing to take the risk. That's coming up on Monday.

A good friend of mine is dying. I can't divulge too much information about it here, but it won't be too long. I can't express how upset I am. I think of all the time I squandered and it makes me sick. I love him, and I hate that this is happening. I am hurt and I feel guilty for the things I should have done and the times I should have said more than I did. I feel like a bad friend - I never tell the people I care about how important they are. I don't say it often enough. And this time I can't get it back.

Mr. Walls is home. He's not comfortable, but he is better. Things look hopeful and he called me. I needed to hear that. I think I'll call him tomorrow and talk with him. It is unbelievable how much lighter I feel with that knowledge. God, I hope he's ok.

Haven't written about it yet, but my Great Grandmother has taken a turn for the worse. They are restraining her right now, but her rate of deterioration has gotten considerably worse. It's probably going to be soon, but no confirmed word there.

Things are cool at the house. Anjelica has a secret admirer. I think it's really nice that she got flowers, even if they were ripped off from a hospital. Josh is all bothered, which I find funny as Hell. They're doing well, which is fantastic. He makes her laugh, and that is something she should do more of.

Nate came by today. God, he drives me crazy. Got him this nifty thing for Valentine's Day, but I won't tell him what is is. I know he's gonna love it. He told me that I didn't have to get him anything. Like I didn't know that already. I tell you though, I love buying his 'happiness'. That just sends me, and it makes me feel so much better knowing he has it, not that he wouldn't get it on his own. I worry about him a lot. He works too much, and I don't think he gets enough rest. I try to tell him good night everynight and I smoke the lucky every morning at 6:30. With all this chaos going on right now, he makes me feel calm and complete. That's really helpful, especially with the OCD. Hopefully, with the skin treatment taken care of, I can focus more on weight loss so I'll be a thinner, less leper-like individual. I do love his company though. I wish he didn't only think of me when he is around. That would just send me, seeing as how much I think of him. I don't want to badger him though. I try to make sure he knows that everything I say is intended to make him feel good about something. I just adore everything about him, and he's perfect to me. Even now I feel better just writing about him. I'm gonna need this, because Valentine's Day is going to suck. Most everyone I know is involved, and there's nothing worse than a cute couple. Oh, well.

Nate might come by tomarrow...er, today. I hope he does. Duh. Making myself feel better, just deal with it.

Ten things I love about Nate (part 1) :

1) I love it when he blushes.
2) I love the INCREDIBLE depth of his eyes.
3) I love his facial hair, and I really love how I never found it attractive on anyone before or else.
4) I love how masculine his hands are.
5) I love that quiet, desperation-ridden laugh he gives when he is flattered or embarrassed.
6) I love the way he smells.
7) I love how he likes interests that I have that I thought NO ONE would relate to.
8) I love how hard he works.
9) I love that warm feeling I get when I hear his voice.
10) I love how he makes me work for it.

Good night guys.