?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Ladies and gentleman:

My mom may have, kind-of, sorta gave me a compliment tonight.

She has maintained for three months now that I should come to my senses about Nate. That it will never happen for me. That guys like him won't have girls like me. That if I were smart, I'd see how pointless it is and stop trying. I'm only asking for the big hurt like the first time. Like the last time.

I'm foolish to think someone like him would ever love someone like me.

I don't care. I don't care what she thinks or what she says. My whole life has been look but don't touch, see what others deserve and you never will. No one likes the fat girl. No one will love the leper. Find the someone who will accept you and be thankful you have him. Don't ever dream because dreamers spend their lives asleep. You're supposed to be miserable, that's the point. Happiness is an extravagance.

Well I'm just fucking extravagant then. And I do deserve joy. And I'm not just the fat chick. Dreamers are people who haven't been scared into mediocrity. FUCK ACCEPTANCE. You don't have to love the leper; jut stay out of her way. You're supposed to be alive, that's the point.

My mother's compliment was that she couldn't believe that I was still 'stuck on that guy.'

Well yes, dear. I am. I don't do anything halfway. And I'm not 'stuck on' anything. Don't berate me like that. I know how I feel and what I feel and I don't need your understanding or acceptance or any other clarification whatsoever. And he doesn't have to care about me at all. Requittance isn't rectification. So don't get it. Plenty of others don't and that doesn't matter to me either. I consider it a compliment that your confused by my stamina or the longevity of my affection. It states the unbelievable difference in my character. Maybe I am setting my heart up for the eventual shattering. At least I'm still using mine.

There you have it. I got a compliment from Mommie dearest.


Ten things I love about Nate (part 2)

1) I love that he's coming over for Valentine's Day, even though he hates the holiday and knows I do too.
2) I love his smile.
3) I love how his hair always looks so perfect.
4) I love that he likes Earl Grey tea.
5) I love how the thought of him makes me smile uncontrollably.
6) I love that he plays the violin. I mean I really, really love this one. Seriously, how perfect can he be? Oh my God, I don't believe it sometimes. I so need to be pinched right now.
7) I love how I can get so carried away thinking about him.
8) I love how he makes the emptiness inside disappear. I never thought someone could do that.
9) I love just looking at him.
10) I love how honest it feels to cry for him.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
catkat13
Feb. 9th, 2003 09:24 am (UTC)
Found you randomly, but:

"I don't care. I don't care what she thinks or what she says. My whole life has been look but don't touch, see what others deserve and you never will. No one likes the fat girl. No one will love the leper. Find the someone who will accept you and be thankful you have him. Don't ever dream because dreamers spend their lives asleep. You're supposed to be miserable, that's the point. Happiness is an extravagance.

Well I'm just fucking extravagant then. And I do deserve joy. And I'm not just the fat chick. Dreamers are people who haven't been scared into mediocrity. FUCK ACCEPTANCE. You don't have to love the leper; jut stay out of her way. You're supposed to be alive, that's the point."

You took the thoughts right out of my mind...lol.. I feel your pain!
:)
*Melinda*
lolasenvy
Feb. 9th, 2003 11:43 am (UTC)
Thanks
feelers have to stick together to remind ourselves we aren't alone and keep each other from dying inside. Thanx so much for your reply. It means the world to me.
catkat13
Feb. 9th, 2003 12:50 pm (UTC)
Re: Thanks
Anytime, Anytime...
*Melinda*
charliekeenjr
Feb. 9th, 2003 11:27 am (UTC)
"you're COOL!"
well, mommie dearest is an idiot! i don't see Nate the way you do. but i respect that you see him the way you do. when i first found out you loved him, i was so like "O M G! WHY?" but after getting to know you (the little that i have) i see that it's doesn't matter why. it doesn't matter what other's think. we are NOT YOU! and we can not really see through your eyes nor can we experience life through you.

i'm actually happier for tha little more i know you. you've actually justified alot of things i've felt. juss by being you. also, you keep refering to yourself as tha "fat girl" and "leper"... and that's sorta ODD to me because i never saw you as either. you have this AURA (i guess that's tha word) of strength. or at least that's what i felt when i met you.

basically "you're COOL!" and i hope to get to know you better in tha future..

charlie
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

you stupid republican bitch
lolasenvy
Currently dashing the hopes of my parents.

Latest Month

April 2012
S M T W T F S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930     
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow