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because it matters...

If you have a problem, come to me. I won't cast you out for needing something. I tell you if there's a serious issue (and I did Marcus) to your face. If you want to better yourself then I am more than happy to wish you well. However, when you say nothing and then your mother - the person who abandoned you and abused and berated you in my presence- comes in and says things, don't be surprised when I'm upset. I was hurt because I felt as though Celeste is going to be unhappy, and that's all that mattered to me.

I wrote in my journal about it BECAUSE ITS MY FUCKING RIGHT TO SPEAK MY MIND IN MY JOURNAL. I wasn't aiming it at anyone. I cried my eyes out over Celeste because I was scared for her well-being. You can ask Andrew or Jennie about that-they were there for me. It you had concerns about me abandoning friendships, then you obviously don't know me that well. Ask Brad, Kate, Drew, Jennie, Ryan, or Aimee what kind of friend I am. I'm not confused about it. I'm the kind of friend who offered the best thing she had when it was needed (even if its falling apart)

And you, Marcus. If you had an opinion about an issue that none of your concern - that's one thing. But to judge my home and pull my only space in this world apart and examine it, it low of you. All I wanted was Celeste to be happy. If she's happier living in someone else's box, that's her call. But I work my ass of for my home, and don't you say a motherfucking thing about it.

I never asked you to take my side either. I didn't make sides. I just felt bad because I was losing a friend. Apparantly I was underestimating my loss.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
jesus_h_biscuit
Jul. 1st, 2003 10:06 am (UTC)
Part 1
I read Marcus' journal after reading yours to understand what you were talking about, and aside from being laughable, there were too many inconsistencies for me to leave it alone. If calling out the truth is what his angle was, then he missed by a mile - however, I'm aiming specifically on three key points.

Taken from mi6300m's journal:

"She was not happy there. She was at one point but as time progressed she wasn't. She wasn't happy there even before Cheryl came into town. But I don't think she could come to you about it mostly because she might have been afraid of losing a friend. Well now she's done it. Don't take it like her mother influenced her for it. She was planning on it long before this...she just didn't have the heart to tell you."

Anyone who knows you, REALLY knows you, would know better than to surmise that you would ever be upset with them for either trying to better themselves, move on to a new place, or share their honest feelings with you. Clearly neither Celeste nor Marcus really knows you or deserves your friendship if this is the kind of blanket statement they would use to define how you are viewed. Those of us who know better of you than that see this for the completely laden-with-bullshit assertion that it is. It has nothing to do with what you are, but speaks volumes about the cowardice of others who reaped the benefit of your friendship, energy, and nurturing.

(Part 2 to follow)
mi6300m
Jul. 1st, 2003 02:15 pm (UTC)
Re: Part 1
Brad, I know Renea isn't like that...unless you give her reason to. If anything I think Renea gave her a chance to start anew as well. I commend her for that. I explain this to Celeste. But she still felt bad about telling her.

Like I said i didn't write that to try to start shit, i'm sorry if it seemed like that. But I mean i can never catch up to Renea to even try to talk to her. Our schedules cross as of late. So Renea i've tried calling you today and i came by your mom's today as well to try to talk to you before you started thinking i'm causing drama. You know i'm the type of person to speak my mind about things... you've done it about me also to my face. If i had a problem with you...you know i'd come to you in your face about it. What I said about your house...was what was expressed to me from her.
jesus_h_biscuit
Jul. 1st, 2003 10:06 am (UTC)
Part 2
"Think about it babes "If you were in her position, would you want to keep living somewhere, in which was the house was falling apart everyday? No hot water when needed? Can't stay cool when needed? Bugs here and there? No decent Water pressure? No sense of security? That's right, neighbors that steal from you. Crackheads walking up and down the street. THT GOD-DAMN BELL THAT RINGS EVERY HOUR ON THE HOUR (no wonder i couldn't sleep during the day there lol. Cat's all over the place, not being able to use as much electricity as needed without blowing a fuse."

Alright, here's the problem with this statement. If she wanted to live somewhere else, fine - if she didn't like the state of her personal environment because it wasn't up to her standards of cleanliness or structural stability, that's fine as well. The fact is that of all the rooms in that house that I personally have had access to, Celeste's room was the nastiest, most filthy excuse for a dwelling I ever walked in - and it was like that each and every time I visited the house. It was her space to maintain, her responsibility to keep up, and she left it like a dumpster. If the attempt here was to make it look as though Celeste's standards of living were higher than those she allegedly settled for, then it would have helped if she had those standards to begin with. Let us not forget that she was living in someone else's dining room before voluntarily coming to your house where she maintained to me that she always felt welcomed and happy. Again, another fraught-with bullshit statement.

"I think she might be happier in Pittsburgh."

What, with a mother that has not only left her for dead, but has also made her the parent responsible for her siblings while conveniently absolving herself of the responsibility of her own children? I'm liable to have a fucking seizure if I go on with the considerably long list of fuck-ups that constitutes what Celeste's emotionally fucked mother is. Or should I be accurate and say physical abuse terrorist posterchild of dysfunction, conceives children through unions with a FUCKING MARRIED MAN who has nothing to do with his children, denies and abandons her children on a whim of selfishness, insult to decent single mothers everywhere. I got the ammo from the previous statement from Celeste's descriptions of her mother herself.

Anyone who thinks that Celeste would be better off in that environment (including Celeste herself) as opposed to this one is saying they love her while allowing her to walk freely into her own execution. There is no reason to think that with her mother's history of parenting that Celeste won't be taken up to Pennsylvania and dumped (again) on a street and left to fend for herself. If this is the kind of bullshit people affected be her departure have to resort to convincing themselves of in order to be comfortable with it, fine - but bullshit allegations do not change historical fact. That Celeste renounced your friendship while allowing that venomous cunt to tear you down in your own home after all you did you save her from the very same thing happening is beyond forgivable, but it was her choice to make. It is not your responsibility to be another person's spine or to save someone from themselves, and certainly not your cross to bear when the valor of your character gets called into question by people who neither know you or deserve to know you.
mi6300m
Jul. 1st, 2003 01:38 pm (UTC)
Re: Part 2
You misunderstood what I mean about her going back to pittsburgh. Ok what i mean and i should have made this clear. It's not for her going back to live with her mother (she doesn't want that). It's about what she wants to go to college for. She use to tell me all the time about the art programs they have up there and the careers they have up there. She hasn't been able to find that here.

I want her to do what she feels good about, Art. This is columbus...need i say more.

And brad, i agree with you about her room, she never kept that up to par all the time. hell i've had to clean that sometimes myself. Not my place to do so true...but hell. But the rest of that house wasn't or isn't messed up now just because of celeste. You can't blame that all on her.
charliekeenjr
Jul. 1st, 2003 01:25 pm (UTC)
what happened??
okay, last time i heard.. Celest was in jail/troubl because of her sister.. what the FUCK is happening??
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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you stupid republican bitch
lolasenvy
Currently dashing the hopes of my parents.

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