Currently dashing the hopes of my parents. (lolasenvy) wrote,
Currently dashing the hopes of my parents.

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Adressing the Demand: Amber

Your Journal for this year only had three comments that weren't either Brad or I. I looked. It did, however, have the following:

  • 8 Songs that I introduced to you, to of which you proclaimed your fave of the moment.

  • 9 Comments from me directly to you.

  • 10 References to activities we engaged in, none of which were unpleasant.

  • 1 Marriage, which I officiated, and selected the music for.

  • and 2 declarations concerning me - one on my behalf and one in your defense. You declared yourself 'not thoughtless' very dramatically, and used you husband as your defensive support. This is a claim you yourself invalidated recently, admitting you are indeed those things, and are working to improve.

So, there's hardly a song, outing or experience in the past year that isn't tied to me. You wedding vow and your 'song' where introduced by me. I can count off the top of my head five times I have helped patch your marriage, not including many conversations I had with your husband that you aren't a privy to and I kept you out of jail once.

...and this is what I get? This is the best you have? This lackluster, half-assed, shallow apology made from the comfort of your home is your single attempt at making good?

What about, "I don't think I could find you boring Renea?" Does that conversation not count? You certainly didn't count it when you smugly implied that I haven't, and might not comment to you. Because I did, remember? Over a week ago, when you failed to make good on your word. You didn't even bother to remove the attacking post on a journal that apparently no one reads other than us in the first place! What pseudopride are you bolstering with that anyway? Or, could it be that is how little you really care in the first place? That just like with Joe, you see golden boy redemption in Andrew, and have no intention of that being sullied for my sake. Sure have come a long way, haven't we?

Because I know the way you speak about me to Mike, and the way you spoke to me about Mike, and the way you spoke of Andrew to the both of us. The sad part is that none of us were a threat, yet you revel in the drama. You'd sacrifice the friendship to watch it burn, thinking you're sailing away from the wreckage. When are you going to learn that no one is so rich that they can throw away friends. Even if you keep yourself to Andrew, how long will the honeymoon last? How long before you become a victim of your own devices? They aren't going to just vanish, unlike the friends.

The thing is, all you have to do is own it. You don't wanna work for it, or don't think its worth it to work for it? Say so. Stop hiding behind this smug self-righteous bullshit and just fucking admit it. Want a shot at this friendship? Think you might someday need it? Well then anytime you're ready we can meet and you can be sincere if capable. In person. With Mike and Andrew in tow. I have nothing to hide, and no problem whatsoever with answering any question posed me and explaining my actions. Can you say the same with all three of us present?

Bear in mind that even Mike was big enough for those terms, opting to keep a friendship with me on its merits, and I am divorcing him. So if those terms don't strike you, fine, but expect everyone to wonder why that is from a person with no reason to hide. All I want from you is an apology I can believe - with sincerity in front of those I know you decried me to. It's non-negotiable, your only hope to achieve this thing you so confess to want is this. Like you said, communication works both ways. Balls in your court.

Or don't. But for the love of fuck stop declaring shit, and knock off the smug condescension. But as requested, commentary. For your consideration.

As an aside, given the conversations we have had I hope that Mike has learned perhaps to question any 'I'm not stooping to that level' or 'I'm so hurt, I'm not getting involved ' bullshit. If she can talk in her home, then she can meet my terms. I have never been unfair in terms with her, and any vague avoidance if cowardice and dishonesty, simple as that. Mike, it only carries if you accept it. You only accept it if you agree.
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