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January 8th, 2007

[02:25] Haliferniahiding: is this what keeping up with us means?
[02:26] tarnishedpoetry: I walked out of that room when I did because I was uncomfortable. I haven't felt comfortable enough to call and "keep up".
[02:26] Haliferniahiding: well, making people you were supposed to 'love' feel second rate should make you feel uncomfortable
[02:27] Haliferniahiding: you should have at least bluffed
[02:27] Haliferniahiding: and not told everyone you were only there b/c the people you wanted to see were 'unavailable'
[02:27] Haliferniahiding: That really fucking hurt, Chris
[02:28] tarnishedpoetry: I didn't intend it that way. I never did. But we all know I'm not the greatest with my choice of words, and I'll admit that.
[02:28] Haliferniahiding: that's not an excuse
[02:28] Haliferniahiding: had you apologized then, maybe
[02:29] Haliferniahiding: but I don't cotton to having someone put it in my face that they chose something over me
[02:29] tarnishedpoetry: I did have plans that night, I wasn't about to lie either and say I didn't. But they fell through. I came up there to see y'all because I wanted to.
[02:29] Haliferniahiding: ...especially considering what you chose
[02:29] tarnishedpoetry: I could've gone home. I could've gone somewhere else. I didn't. I came there, and walked as far as I did, because I had it in my head that I wanted to see y'all. That I was comfortable with it.
[02:30] Haliferniahiding: see? If you wanted to, you should've put your fucking phone away and talked to us
[02:30] tarnishedpoetry: I knew from the moment I walked in that it wasn't going to work, I was trying to figure out how to make it.
[02:30] Haliferniahiding: you treated us like a bus stop
[02:30] Haliferniahiding: WHAT?????????
[02:30] Haliferniahiding: what do you mean, from the moment
[02:31] tarnishedpoetry: I walked in, and immediately felt uncomfortable. Like a stranger.
[02:31] tarnishedpoetry: Like I kicked someone's cat and said "Hi, I'm Chris".
[02:31] Haliferniahiding: You ACTED like a stranger
[02:31] Haliferniahiding: and after a month with nothing, what do you expect
[02:32] Haliferniahiding: you left me with two full weeks of worry that something was wrong, and then just walk in like nothing was up. I was stunned
[02:32] Haliferniahiding: ...and you didn't ask about my health either
[02:33] Haliferniahiding: thanx a lot
[02:33] tarnishedpoetry: And I told you that I lost the number.
[02:33] Haliferniahiding: who treated who like a stranger
[02:33] tarnishedpoetry: I rarely get to come into town.
[02:33] Haliferniahiding: when people matter, you figure something out. You don't leave them in the cold
[02:34] tarnishedpoetry: I didn't know what to do.
[02:34] Haliferniahiding: see? There's an honest answer
[02:34] Haliferniahiding: not an excuse
[02:34] tarnishedpoetry: This has all been an honest answer.
[02:35] tarnishedpoetry: If I wanted to give you an excuse I'd make up something less cliche'd.
[02:35] Haliferniahiding: wow
[02:35] tarnishedpoetry: Something with a bit of flair, more than "I lost the number". That was the truth. I did. And I couldn't get to the apartments.
[02:35] Haliferniahiding: thanks, i guess
[02:36] Haliferniahiding: fine. It doesn't matter anyway.
[02:37] tarnishedpoetry: It doesn't. You're right.
[02:37] tarnishedpoetry: I appreciate you guys for giving me a place to stay.
[02:37] Haliferniahiding: ouch
[02:37] tarnishedpoetry: But, I appreciate more what I learned there.
[02:37] Haliferniahiding: you know, say what you want
[02:37] Haliferniahiding: but at least be honest
[02:38] Haliferniahiding: which one of you is lying
[02:38] tarnishedpoetry: I am being honest. I think it did me good to be there.
[02:38] Haliferniahiding: now, this
[02:38] Haliferniahiding: or when you told me you loved me
[02:38] tarnishedpoetry: I thought I did. I really did.
[02:38] Haliferniahiding: give me that, its the least you can do
[02:38] tarnishedpoetry: I had no concept of what love is.
[02:38] Haliferniahiding: well you're right
[02:38] tarnishedpoetry: I still am just learning to grasp it. And I admit that. I'm sorry to have mislead you.
[02:39] Haliferniahiding: you didn't mislead me
[02:39] Haliferniahiding: i'm not heartbroken, I'm disappointed
[02:39] tarnishedpoetry: I'm not. I'm glad for the time I spent there. I now know some very important things about life and myself as well.
[02:40] Haliferniahiding: then why are you throwing it away?
[02:40] Haliferniahiding: all it takes is a little effort
[02:41] tarnishedpoetry: I'm not. I learned, over all things, to take it slow. That now is not the time to jump from one boat to the other. That compromise can be made where two sides can come to an agreement, and that compromise can always be found if one looks hard enough.
[02:41] Haliferniahiding: From one boat to another??? Like what you did here
[02:42] Haliferniahiding: I give you everything i have to give. Not gave, give
[02:42] Haliferniahiding: How is that compromise
[02:43] Haliferniahiding: how is it compromise when you have all the say and I sit around waiting for you
[02:43] Haliferniahiding: All I am asking for is to be kept in the light
[02:43] tarnishedpoetry: Not everything coming out of my mouth is smashingly directed your way.
[02:43] tarnishedpoetry: That whole paragraph was about the relationship between my family and I.
[02:43] Haliferniahiding: if you did that, you wouldn't feel like a stranger when you came aroung
[02:44] Haliferniahiding: then Fucking paraphrase Chris, You're typing and I'm not a mindreader
[02:45] tarnishedpoetry: I did that on purpose.
[02:45] Haliferniahiding: ?
[02:45] tarnishedpoetry: I wanted to see if you really did understand what I was saying.
[02:45] tarnishedpoetry: If you were listening to what I had to say and considering it from all around,
[02:45] tarnishedpoetry: Or just waiting to react.
[02:45] Haliferniahiding: ?
[02:45] Haliferniahiding: why would I do that?
[02:45] Haliferniahiding: do I have a history of that?
[02:46] Haliferniahiding: do i deserve to be treated like i don't respect you?
[02:46] Haliferniahiding: is that what you think of me?
[02:47] tarnishedpoetry: I don't have much else to say here. I can just say thank you for letting me realize a lot of things, most of all that I still have a long ways to go and a hard road ahead.
[02:47] Haliferniahiding: and that's it huh
[02:47] tarnishedpoetry: I'm not trying to stir up trouble.
[02:47] Haliferniahiding: so much easier to throw someone away
[02:47] Haliferniahiding: than to actually keep up with them
[02:50] Haliferniahiding: well, keep this in mind. One day you will need someone like me. Someone who cared about you without agenda. People are lucky is they get one, you had two and you threw them away.
[02:52] tarnishedpoetry: So be it then. If I do, I will lament it when that days comes.
[02:52] Haliferniahiding: i doubt it
[02:54] Haliferniahiding: You could've just told me you don't care and never did. That would've hurt less

[02:59] Haliferniahiding: I'm not trying to be hurtful, I just want to know why. Really, why no bullshit. It isn't possible to hurt me more so just tell me
[03:00] tarnishedpoetry: I need to get my life in order the only way it'll happen, and that's myself. I needed someone to show me that it doesn't matter how much someone wants to help you if you don't want to help yourself, and that sometimes a little bit of adversity is a good thing.
[03:01] Haliferniahiding: ?
[03:01] Haliferniahiding: i let go of my family for you, and i was an anecdote to you?
[03:02] Haliferniahiding: because it was the right thing to do, and I'm a charming character
[03:02] Haliferniahiding: a lesson learned?

[03:04] tarnishedpoetry: I did what I needed to do, and I'm doing what I need to do.
[03:04] tarnishedpoetry: I'm sorry. I'm uncomfortable right now, in the extreme. If I'm this uncomfortable over IM, this isn't gonna work.
[03:04] Haliferniahiding: there is no 'this'
[03:05] Haliferniahiding: i can't waste my heart on you anymore
[03:05] Haliferniahiding: hope you figure it out without hurting too many more people



you stupid republican bitch
Currently dashing the hopes of my parents.

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