Currently dashing the hopes of my parents. (lolasenvy) wrote,
Currently dashing the hopes of my parents.

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I guess the world didn't stop...

What a week this has been. I have lost three friends, my brother almost died in a car wreck, I almost lost my job, and I did the most horrifying thing I have ever had to do. Friends please heed: I **NEVER** want to do this ever, ever again. I stood before a coffin, and I watched my friend get placed where I can never reach him again. I cannot express to you how I feel right now. I want to cry and I want to curl up in a corner and be cold and alone. I want to feel worse for the sake of feeling better. But I know I can't.

I do need to give TREMENDOUS thanks to everyone who understood what I was going through. Even if you could not relate, you were there for me and that means everything. Special thanks to: Nate, John, Pam, Brad, Ryan, Aimee, Andrew, and Josh. You guys were immense.

Anjelica - - OH MY SWEET Crutch-ridden Jesus. There is but one reason I am capable of even typing this, and that is you. I felt as though the world was on my shoulders, and you stood right beside me. You held my hand when I said goodbye to my friend. You dried my tears, and most important, I could shed them with you there. Thank you so much. You have no idea, and just like I told you on Thursday, give yourself credit. For this one, for my sake.

My brother is doing much better. As of right now, he is expected to make a full recovery. It's just going to take some time. For all the prayers, thank you.

For Michael - I'm going to try to put this behind me as best I can. For what it's worth, he was amazing - ask anyone who knew him. I am so incredibly sad that you are gone. Where will I go to talk about the Beatles and Floyd? Where will I ask about guitar riffs and when I need that wonderful, amazing, special warmth that you epitomized? I will miss you more than you know and I was fortunate and totally undeserving of you friendship. It defined love, and inspires me still. I love you.

To others lost in recent time: Teach Jesus how to play Hackey Sack (if you get this joke, then you get it. If not, ask, or just fuck off. Whatever.) Because in Heaven, I'm going to be one skinny bitch.

Jason - I really hate you, little brother. But I love you more than than you can possibly understand. I have never spoke so candidly with the Lord than when I asked that He be with you. Your speedy recovery has shown me that He was listening. The thought of all the things I'm looking forward to: getting you drunk, seeing you graduate, and embarrassing you in front of a girlfriend. Get better, because I've got a whole lot of work to do.

Some famous person once said that "The world break everyone. Some are stronger in the broken places." I always loved that quote, and I truly believe that this week has broken me. The question is whether or not I can be stronger and shine brighter in these placer. I will be a better friend. I will tell people how much I love them every chance I get. I will love life more than I have before. I will leave footprints in the heart of those who matter. And I will let go of the little things. My only enemies are those who threaten those I love. Everything else is just stuff.

I will remember...
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