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Just to mark the day

Well, the discussion I always knew I would get finally happened. I feel so dead, but I'm not angry. Not at the person in question anyway. I do feel really ugly though. I was told I was attractive, but I'm pretty sure that was said person being nice. I've never hurt this bad in my entire life. I want to die right now. I really do.

Hopefully, he'll come by tonight. I want to prove that I can keep this from the friendship. I want to scream that I deserve a chance, but what I'm going to do is feed him cake and smile and listen and be the friend he'd rather have.

Last night, my friends went to bed, so I got in the shower fully clothed and turned the cold tap on full blast. Then I drank. And drank. Fell down; drank some more. I was hoping to lose conciousness - but no avail. This morning I woke up, and unfortunately it was today and I was Renea.

I'm so tired of being Renea...


Mar. 6th, 2003 05:06 pm (UTC)
Renea!! I'm sorry. Call me if you need anything, ok? I love you lots! I'll see you on Saturday. Love you, Ellen