Nate wants nothing more than friendship. Nothing is going to change this. no matter how intensely or how long i love him, he'll never even see me. And Gatsby teaches us that its dangerous to chase an impossible dream. If Nate ever wanted me, I cannot deny that I would be there and I would do anything to make him happy and bring him joy. However, I am not going to sit around waiting for a ship that's not going to come in. I'm not going to call him anymore. I'm not going to sit around and hope he'll come over. I'm not going to pour myself into litle things I think he might like or cry myself to sleep or look in the mirror and wonder what's wrong with me anymore. I will not worship him or see him without his faults anyore. I love him more than life itself, but I don't have to cast out the sun and live vicariously in his image to show it.
I will commit myself to being the same friend to him that I am to anyone else. I will invite him to things, listen to him, be there when needed, and be the best friend I can be. I will give him the best advise I can, and try not to judge him in his error. I will give him the mediocre, friend-inspired love that all other friends get from me.
Until and if ever he wants more, then that time will be considered. But I'm not going to die inside for anyone, and someone will see the things he does not.
It hurts, but I am very grateful to have him as a friend. He is but one of a great group of people I am truly blessed to know. He is part of my family.
And now that I mention it, since he's part of the family that I chose and stuff, dating him would be like wanting to neck with my uncle Howard...ewwwww. ::shivers::