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Gone is the romance that was so divine.

Well, time for the monsters to be slayed, the glitter to scatter, and the fantasy to end. Time for the little girl to wake up and quit dreaming.

Nate wants nothing more than friendship. Nothing is going to change this. no matter how intensely or how long i love him, he'll never even see me. And Gatsby teaches us that its dangerous to chase an impossible dream. If Nate ever wanted me, I cannot deny that I would be there and I would do anything to make him happy and bring him joy. However, I am not going to sit around waiting for a ship that's not going to come in. I'm not going to call him anymore. I'm not going to sit around and hope he'll come over. I'm not going to pour myself into litle things I think he might like or cry myself to sleep or look in the mirror and wonder what's wrong with me anymore. I will not worship him or see him without his faults anyore. I love him more than life itself, but I don't have to cast out the sun and live vicariously in his image to show it.

I will commit myself to being the same friend to him that I am to anyone else. I will invite him to things, listen to him, be there when needed, and be the best friend I can be. I will give him the best advise I can, and try not to judge him in his error. I will give him the mediocre, friend-inspired love that all other friends get from me.

Until and if ever he wants more, then that time will be considered. But I'm not going to die inside for anyone, and someone will see the things he does not.

It hurts, but I am very grateful to have him as a friend. He is but one of a great group of people I am truly blessed to know. He is part of my family.

And now that I mention it, since he's part of the family that I chose and stuff, dating him would be like wanting to neck with my uncle Howard...ewwwww. ::shivers::


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 24th, 2003 02:38 am (UTC)
He is terribly lucky to have a friend in you. You are absolutely right. Someone will see all of the great things about you and love you for all of the things that he overlooks.

::hugs:: here for ya if ya need it.
Mar. 24th, 2003 04:51 am (UTC)
"...the mediocre, friend-inspired love that all other friends get from me."

What you call mediocre is one of the reasons I bother getting up in the morning most days, do not trivialize, devalue, or mock it again please. Having you there and any amount of time I get to spend with you sustains me for a long time. There's a level of understanding that exists between us that I don't get with most humanity. I'm well aware that after many other fires burn out and their ashes have become wind worn, there are still things like you that are fixed and permanent. And it is more than enough for me.

I love you like no one else does, always have, always will - and nothing exists that I will ever allow to alter that.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


you stupid republican bitch
Currently dashing the hopes of my parents.

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