Currently dashing the hopes of my parents. (lolasenvy) wrote,
Currently dashing the hopes of my parents.

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wow, for a great day this really sucks

Well, last night was fucking incredible. I felt great. I shared great company. Happy, happy, happy.

It's like I told Andrew: I just wanted to set a house on fire and watch it burn while listening to loud music until my ears bled, then have violent sex with someone I didn't know and smoke three cartons of cigarettes in one night.

However, today just sucks. I am tired and cold and the hormones aren't working quite the way they should be (TMI - I'm bleeding again) and I just feeling tired.

Have you ever just been tired of going through the motions? Like you do all this stuff that completely disinterests you but for whatever reason you do it all the same. I'm not talking about paying bills or working because we all must do that. That I don't mind. I'm talking about all the filler. The stuff that's supposed to make you happy. And it does, normally. But for whatever reason, it just isn't right now. I guess it doesn't make sense to you. It certainly doesn't to me.

I've been planning things out for my party. I really can't wait to have all my friends over and to be entertaining again. Stooping season is upon us. I love that time spend on the stairs, there's such truth in it. Until I feel right again, that's what I fill my time with.

And I've said it once, and I'll say it again: If what you're doing isn't filling you with joy, then just get out of it. Life is too short to keep up appearances. If you're not careful, you going to wind up rooming with unhappiness - having moved away all your freedoms and friendships. Then where will you be?

Don't let the things you need to say become the things you should have said. Because that is in itself squandering time you aren't garanteed.
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