Currently dashing the hopes of my parents. (lolasenvy) wrote,
Currently dashing the hopes of my parents.
lolasenvy

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running down a dream

You know, it's an interesting thing when someone really validates you. I mean, honest to God, absolutely says that something you have desperately needed to hear.

I mean other than Brad.

What strange days have yielded themselves to the threshold of my present. After pouring my heart and hurting more than I ever had before for someone, I meet a guy who picks up the burden of my reproachfulness. For the first time ever I found someone who, instead of manipulating my aching heart for leverages sake, handles it with kit gloves so it may one day heal.

Ryan got his expression back. That weird but undeniably pure calm that can wash over his face and you know - not think, KNOW - that he's really happy to be there in your company. It's incredible how loved one can feel just by seeing that look. I can't tell you how long I've waited to see that expression again.

Yeah, and I was validated. So all those people who told me I would never be good enough for him can just fucking die. Slowly. One will be soon enough. And when I think back on last night, and the humor and the charisma and the want for what was. Not to mention I was raised for the dead, which was pretty fucking cool. Now that people have remembered who their true friends are, they're starting to resemble that guy I noticed in November. That smart, savvy, special guy who had things going for him so long as he could keep his self on the the path.
I don't think it's going to be that hard to forge current acquaintanceship to future friendship. I don't think it's going to be hard at all.

And now my dearest Aimee is having her birthday party. A day no doubt worthy of celebration to anyone decent enough to realize what a gem Aimee really is and how much of an asset she is to the lives of those around her. Then again, if they don't realize it, they probably don't deserve it either.


In the end, when I stick to my principles and I make a choice, I'm usually burned for it or abandoned by those dearest to me. However, after I have healed and picked myself up and reinforced the corners of my soul so that it might not collapse, that's when most people realize that I was right. And then the better of people slowly approach me and tell me what I was punished for knowing all along. But I'm always standing when I receive that news. And although its rare for me to actually receive a true, heartfelt "I'm sorry," there's something about when those who abandon return that just a little bit better.

it's a circle, all is spinning
and the end is just the beginning

(Samara's last words before her mother strangles her in 'The Ring.')
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