Currently dashing the hopes of my parents. (lolasenvy) wrote,
Currently dashing the hopes of my parents.

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Have I never felt before? I think not...

I lost my baby.

And I find myself wondering, have I never known sadness before this moment? How did I rate it before? How did I know I felt sorrow when it seems so far from what I feel now? Now I sit alone with my thoughts, quite as my worst of enemies. Will I ever have this chance again? What if this is the fate of every child I carry? What if there is nothing I can do to stop it? How do I look at my husband knowing the best I can offer him is the uncertainty of disrepair (or dispair)?

and Never have I felt so alone. I can't sleep, I am in constant pain, and I have to live knowing what happened was my fault.

I don't know what I am supposed to say, and I'm supposed to always know what to say.

I wear sweatersa in the summer
I don't want you to see
I'm covering up the many scars
That life has placed on me.

I wish I was as smart as I was when I was 14.
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