I don't think I have one honest human being in this world who doesn't see me with disdain instead of affection. Except for Sarah. I'll always have Sarah.
The strange thing is, it isn't losing my friends that is upsetting. The more I think about it, the more I realize that if I had met them now I wouldn't be their friend anyway. Some of them I downright loathe. It's the idea that so many people think of me that way when I haven't done anything differently than the way I always have.
Why is it that someone can so suddenly change affection to discern, and why do they?
I'm not pointing a blame or trying to start or say anything about someone in particular, I'm just wondering if humans are really like that.
When I was young, I really fell for someone. I thought they were the sun and moon. It wasn't until years later that I discovered the truth. He was awful. Shallow, self-centered, judgemental, and mean. It was like I never looked at him before. Now I don't even like him at all.
Is that what people do? Is this how it's supposed to happen?
I miss people really caring about me. I miss people wanting to see me. And strangely enough, the only person I miss is Anjelica. Maybe that's because I regret so much the reason I fought with her in the first place. She was one of the only true one's I had, and I gave her up.
I'm also really worried about a few things I can't discuss here. Maybe later.
I feel really sick.