Currently dashing the hopes of my parents. (lolasenvy) wrote,
Currently dashing the hopes of my parents.

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my interview with Brad

1. When we last spoke about relationships and how you have to define your relationship to your partner and what the rules are, you were on the precipice of much self discovery. What has changed fundamentally since that conversation, and did I help give you some perspective?

Wow. Well, Mike and I are really happy with where we are in our relationship. It’s a strange but a refreshing feeling to trust and love in this totally different way. I haven’t quite mastered the idea of explaining or saying, “We are swingers” or “We are in an open relationship” or whatever. It sounds so silly, but if its possible, then anything is possible. As long as it’s me and Mike at the end of the day, anything else only makes us stronger.

But we are excited about things, like me turning 21 and pride. We are hoping to become more involved.

2. What are your five favorite memories of time spent with me?

5. Our first Pride. That was magic. I’ll never forget it.
4. Funeral for the fascination of Dave Garroway because no one else has ever been that close to me and you were really into it. No pretension or pacification.
3. Getting to write you that letter for that dick you were seeing before Damien. Yeah, whatever that guy’s name is.
2. Me getting to be there for you through your discovery of Jeff Buckley. You feel the way I feel about music and love and life so I felt so good inside to be there for you and not just humoring you.
1. When we met and you basically heard my life story. That set the tempo for the entire friendship. The acceptance, the humanity, and how angry you got at someone you didn’t know. It was tremendous. It was later proven when you defended me to my father when mom kicked me out. Tank you so much.

3. What is one thing you wished most people knew about you, but seldom are aware of?

I have made peace with my past. I am not angry at anyone, I am not sad about anything. I love my husband, my job, my home, and my friends. Francis, Mike, and I are a family. If anyone called me, regardless of our past, I would give them time. I can’t promise to forgive them or to invite them into my life again, but I would give anyone that wanted to just hang out a day.

4. Describe what it feels like to be both validated and betrayed by the same person.

Oh God (clutches chest.) That’s a tough question because when haven’t I been at home in that situation. The principle person of my life did just that, so the more pointed question should perhaps be, ‘how does it feel to be betrayed by someone you gave your trust to.’ Even that is difficult. I wish life were so easy that I could say that it was the worst thing I have felt. But I’ve been in worst places. Michael’s death, losing my Dante, moments in my childhood that are part of who I am are so much more important and hurt so much more.

What is significant is that I wasted moments of my life with people I thought validated me when I could have been with people whose moments were numbered. That I wasted love, which was so hard for me to give, that is the hard part. That is what is unacceptable. But, to make understood my opinion of this, my son, the friends I have lost and my family is what has moved me.

Betrayal, no matter the magnitude, by some people who apparently never meant to keep the promise of friendship they made are nothing and never will be.

5. You are very self reliant and resourceful, and I know that has a great deal to do with having grown up far too quickly. If you could teach a class on being resourceful, what would it be called?

Hmmm. “A person’s opinion of you is only worth your opinion of them: Mastering self-reliance without losing faith in humanity”

That’s prolly what’s most important. Not letting any experience prevent you from forgetting that life is good and beautiful and fun.

Yeah. And you’d get crayolas and cookies at the class.
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