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Thank you Dante, without you I never would have had the rage and the strength to walk away from the cancer eating the goodness from me.

Mommy is very proud of you.

Thank you Nate, for never looking at me. Without that cut, I would've never recognized the beauty of the healer taking care of me now.

Thank you Michael. Without your death, I might have fancied that there is romance in the notion of death itself. I would not have realized that when you're dead, all that you leave is a stone in the heart of those who loved you in life. Thank goodness your stone was an emerald.

Thank you Andrew for proving me wrong. There is not one aspect of my life not made better with you in it. I was rigid in my refusal to forgive those who wronged me. Thank you for being the exception. For being exceptional.

Thank you Amber. Without the tribulation, I would forget that illness is not textbook, it is carved of the soul of people I meet everyday.

Thank you mom. You made me work for it, never giving even the simplist of human dignities. Without you I would not have my iron-clad, uncanny ability to know who I am. If you do not know who you are, you are nobody.

Thank you Brad. No, thank you is simply not enough. What do you say to the person who rescues your heart? Who crawls into that grave with you so willingly that it disappears around you, and for a moment you are just happy. You proved tireless when I lost love, friendship, my health, my mind, my home, my son, and all faith, even in myself. When I prayed these things would bury me, you gave me your heart until I could rebuild my own. Thank you is so cheap. So what do I say to that? If I had known that you were waiting in my future, I never would have tried to kill myself. Now I cannot, I would miss you too much. For being the rhythm of my heart, anyone who loves me owes you.

Yeah. in the iHead tonight...



Sep. 15th, 2006 12:22 pm (UTC)
You post this at a time when I'm absolutely shellshocked about who I really am and why I give of myself to people who never deserved that energy (see most recent post o forgiveness, etc.) and once again, in that insanely intuitive way exclusive to you, you somehow hold me softly and imperceptibly by the shoulders, turn me around and focus my attention where it SHOULD be focused, as if to say "Here - this is what you got lost from, but there it is, so it doesn't matter that you got lost - carry on."

If there were any way possible that you could know exactly what you represent to me, wht you mean to me, how utterly lost I'd be in your absence, then I'm going to continue figuring out how to explain it to you.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. You're one of only a small handful of persons I know who are all three of those things, which is beyond extraordinary to me, and I've lived a pretty extraordinary life.

I think that's what is the best thing about 'us', there never has to be any long explaination, it's just immediately understood. This is perhaps one of the most rare, powerful things either of us has ever experienced. I'm still dumbfounded that I managed to be this fortunate.