Currently dashing the hopes of my parents. (lolasenvy) wrote,
Currently dashing the hopes of my parents.

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Having a bad attack, and I am unsure what to do with this right now. I just read an article on compulsive skin picking and once again, I find myself both comforted and repulsed that that is me. I wake up and tell myself that today, ahhh today. Today I'm gonna change. I'm gonna lose that weight, gonna smile more, gonna like my reflection. Today I'm gonna clean up, get it together, not be so paranoid. But I"m not. When I go to bed I lament that today I ... wasted.

It's all over me right now. The nausea, the feeling that everyone is staring at me, the want. The feeling that the farthest thing from me is ok. I just spent 10 minutes rotating cans in my kitchen, and I am ashamed. Oh, GOD for a clean obsession. What I wouldn't give for a little clarity. It would be utterly worth the low.

Anything but this.
Tags: ocd
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